Dude! I need to learn occlumency
by perfect tragedies
Summary: My failed attempt at a parody... Basically Voldie thinks er, disturbing thoughts. Also includes a convo between Voldie and... WHO! HarryxHermione and VoldiexI'm not gonna tell! Previously under the username Harry Potter rulez


**A/N: Ok this my (epic) failed attempt at a parody! Its not great, but yeah... HAHAHAHA lol! Woooo juice! Woooo SUGAR! Hahaha yeah I don't know... any ways ONWARDS!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter... MWA HAHAHA I could take over the world! But, I don't because JKR stole the idea from me... jks jks... I'm actaully her in disguse! *Tries to pull of head* well... that failed! I don't own Harry Potter (Yet!)**

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><p><strong>Set after Ron leaves Harry and Hermione in the forest. They are in the tent.<strong>

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><p><strong>Harry and Hermione<strong>

"Ahhhh!"  
>Hermione bolted out of her bed and climbed up to Harry's.<br>"What's-" she started but then saw his hands clutching his forehead covering were his scar was.  
>"Voldemort?" she whispered worried<br>"Yeah- OWWWW!"  
>"What is it Harry? What can you see?" she asked urgently<br>"Omg. Mentally scarred for life."  
>"Was he torturing someone?" Hermione gasped<br>"No. Worse. He was imagining McGonagall _naked_!"  
>Hermione felt extremely happy then that she wasn't Harry.<br>"And. Ew! Snape in pink robes, with blonde hair! Smiling!"  
>"EWWWWWW!"<br>"and. OH MY MERLINS PANTS!"  
>"W-WHAT IS IT HARRY?"<br>"YOU. HIM. MAKING OUT!"  
>Hermione fainted.<p>

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><p>Meanwhile…<p>

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><p><strong>Voldemort<strong>

"MWA HAHAHAHA!" Voldemort laughed evilly "No, no, _no! _Its not evil enough!" he sighed he sat down on a pink plush chair. "Nya hahahahahaha!" he tried again "Nope still not it….. I really want to get it right before I kill Harry!" he pouted. It looked really weird because he had like no eyebrows because someone blast them off before he killed them. He didn't have a nose either so he couldn't wear awesome glasses like the men in black guys did and his lips were all sucked in too so basically Voldemort couldn't pout or frown. (or wear glasses! 'ADAVA KADVRA! YOU FILTHY MUGGLE!' - Love from Voldemort)  
>"M-m-master!" Wormtail squeaked<br>"What?" Voldemort snapped  
>"Gossip Girls is on in few minutes" he bowed leaving the room<br>"Oh goody!" Voldie squealed  
>A random dude snickered "Your like a teenage girl. Mood swings much!"<br>"I HATE YOU! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN?" Voldie wailed  
>"Er, my lord? Why don't you just kill him?" Draco asked<br>"Oh yeah! ADAVA KADAVRA YOU RANDOM PERSON!" Voldemort laughed like a maniac "I'm so funny!"  
>"Uh, sure…."<br>"Look its Gossip Girls!" he cried

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><p>Later on...<p>

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><p><strong>Voldemort's diary!<strong>

Dear Diary,  
>Today I had some pretty disturbing thoughts but I wont write them down here. Yes they're <em>that <em>disturbing! Anyways then I killed a few people, watched Gossip Girls and now I'm going to go call my love!  
>Gotta go!<br>Voldie

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><p><strong>Conversation between Voldemort and Dumbledore<strong>

_"No way!"_  
><em>"Yes way!"<em>  
><em>"Shut up!"<em>  
><em>"No, <em>you_ shut up!"_  
><em>"No, <em>you_ shut up!"_  
><em>"No, <em>you_ shut up!"  
>"Like seriously?"<br>_"_Yaaa!"  
><em>"_Omg! I can't believe I missed it!"  
><em>"_Like, I know right?" _Voldemort gushed into the cell phone_ "Like, what's more important than Gossip Girls?"  
><em>"_Uh, killing Harry?"  
><em>"_Oh yeah. I forgot about him."  
><em>"_But he's kinda hot."  
><em>"_No chiz bro!"  
><em>"_Argh. I have to go, Minevera is here."  
><em>"_Not fair!"  
><em>"_I know right? Anyways love you! Hugs and kisses!"  
><em>"_Love you too, Al!"  
><em>Voldemort hung up and sighed. It was like so not fair that they had to keep their relationship a secret!  
>'I just have to kill Harry and then we can go elope.' he reassured himself.<p>

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><p><strong>Harry and Hermione <strong>

"You OK Hermione?"  
>"Y-yeah"<br>"Ahhh!" Harry yelled falling dramatically to the floor.  
>"HAPPY THOUGHTS HARRY! HAPPY THOUGHTS!"<br>"Happy thoughts, huh. Ok then….."

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><p><strong>Voldemort<strong>

"Ahhh!"  
>"What is it my lord?"<br>"Potter. Happy thoughts! NOOOO not unicorns! Ahhhh fluffy bunnies! Is that the mudblood? Nooo! Cuteness overload…." Voldemort cried  
>"My lord!"<br>Voldemort gasped for breath "Albus….." and then he died.

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><p><strong>Harry and Hermione<strong>

"Woooo! You did it Harry he's dead!"  
>"Woooo! I LOVE YOU!"<br>"Oh Harry!"  
>"Oh Hermione!"<br>"I love you too!"  
>"Marry me!"<br>"WOOOO YES!"

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><p>And everyone lived happily ever after!<p>

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><p>THE END!<p>

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><p><strong>AN: Told you it failed! I'm sorry Mia... I HAVE FAILED YOU! ! **

***Random person* SHUT UP!**


End file.
